Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
