Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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