You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
