You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please don't give away my fajitas
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
