No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
