Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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