Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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