not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
