My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
