well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
