Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
