i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
