Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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