we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
