My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
