I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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