I CAN MOONWALK!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
