TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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