Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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