he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i will never coherently bang her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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