Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
