hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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