My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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