I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
