dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
