I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
