I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
