she was so not down for the gang bang
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
