Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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