i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
