Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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