First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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