If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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