is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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