I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
