We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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