omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
