i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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