So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
