So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
