I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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