I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
