I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
