did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
