ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
