I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
