Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
