Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
