I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
