Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
