Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
