I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
